How I have learned to trust myself to be authentic

Anybody watch “Blown Away” on Netflix?

[spoiler alert ahead]

It’s like a baking show but it’s for glass blowers. These people make INCREDIBLE art.

If you watch, you know Ryan got fucking roooooobbed in the championship against Morgan.

And if you don’t know wtf I’m talking about, stick with me for a second because in this email I want to talk about what identity we have gotten ourselves wrapped up in and how that may be the thing that’s holding us back from being our most authentic and resonate self.

Throughout the competition Ryan made the best art (social media comments agree with me). His final piece was masterful. I was rooting for him to win… that was until about 30 seconds before they announced the winner. Then I realized how badly I wanted Morgan to win. No… I NEEDED her to win.

For the entire competition Morgan spoke about the “dark” side of her creativity. And for (almost) every challenge she stuck to making her work dark. A clear depiction of this is her zombie mushroom.

She made great work, but (with my limited understanding of glass blowing) I thought others work was better. Or rather, more technical.

There was one challenge focus on blowing Venetian style glass. Venetian glass is highly regarded in the glass blowing community. In fact, it’s Ryan’s specialty.

Morgan, on the other hand, went on and on about having done only Venetian like… once before.

Then there was a challenge that had a requirement to “hot assemble” your work, which is a certain method of attaching one piece of glass to another. Any time a glass blower has to do hot assembly in the show, they make sure to tell you how hard it is. It’s like the fitness version of doing CrossFit.

So naturally Morgan went on to share her frustration, “I never do hot assembly!”

It was kind of annoying me. Not that I think she was making excuses. I think she was stating the truth, but the Manifesting Generator in me wants the best glass blower to be good at all the things.

Despite her worries… Morgan kept staying in the competition.

This brings us to the final challenge where Ryan and Morgan were allowed to create whatever they wanted. They got double the time to create their work and 2 extra assistants to help them.

Upon displaying their work, Morgan’s murder scene felt silly compared to Ryan’s gorgeous black glass swinging from a pendulum. So yeah… I was still rooting for Ryan.

Then 30 seconds before announcing the winner the judge said to Morgan, “When we look at your work we can say, ‘Oh, that’s a Morgan.’”

“Oh shit. That’s so cool” I thought to myself.

Then I remembered earlier in the series Morgan told the audience something to the effect of, “My work is not what usually what sells in the studio, but… I don’t care. I make what I love otherwise, why do this work at all?”

That’s when it hit me.

Oh my god… I NEED Morgan to win.

I needed to be shown that when you make what YOU want to make, you get rewarded.

Most talented? Maybe not.

Most beautiful work? I personally don’t think so.

Stuck to her guns? Fuck yes she did.

And she fucking won!

What takes us away from our most authentic self?

I have been thinking a lot how I want to be perceived on Instagram and how that’s been holding me back from creating what I want to create which is also holding me back from becoming who I want to become.

I’ve spoken previously on escaping one mold for the other.I escaped the mold of climbing the corporate ladder to become a entrepreneur. But now I have fallen into the mold of an entrepreneur. But more specifically, an online coach.

I was out to lunch last summer with some friends and my buddy Danny asked the hypothetical lottery question. If you won the lottery, what would you spend your time doing? If you’re an entrepreneur, the “right” answer is supposed to be that you wouldn’t do anything different, right? You’re already doing work you love.

I told the table that I would continue my work, but I would spend way more time making fun videos with friends. I don’t know if I’d be a YouTuber per se, but I definitely love the creativity of filmmaking and storytelling (as you can tell by most of my Reels).

But there’s still some content that isn’t that. I feel this urge that I’m not letting myself fully be the creative content creator I want to be.

Problem #1

The problem I am finding is there is this identity that I feel I have needed to uphold.

I am an online coach.

I cling to this identity because I see being a coach as a highly valuable asset to the world. Maybe the highest. If I am coaching people to help them reach their full potential, then the work I am doing is the most important work in the world. Therefore, my peers, potential clients, my family, random people I meet in a coffee shop will perceive me as someone highly valuable. In the hierarchy or life, I sit on top. Especially once I make millions doing it.

Of course, I can’t know if any of this is true or if it’s the best way to create a fulfilled life. It’s simply the story I have created in hopes that achieving this level of status will make me happy.

But… is it making me happy?

Problem #2

The only way to find out if this will make me happy is to take action.

I must do what online coaches do in order to become an online coach.

Without an exhaustive list of all the things coaches do, let’s take a look at content and marketing.

Based off my own observation of “coaching content” for the last 5+ years, it is clear that online coaches serve their audience by giving away knowledge so that they can prove their expertise so that people will want to pay them to help them solve their problem.

Not only is that the path to successfully marketing your business, but it’s also what gets you noticed by peers, potential clients, my family and of course random people I meet in a coffee shop who follow me on IG.

I am so wrapped up in the NEED to show my audience that I have frameworks. That I have solutions for you. Look! I am so smart! “Here are 5 ways to do this.” and “Here are 3 things you need to stop doing.”

It’s like I can’t fucking help it.

The second I start making two of my fun sketch or inner dialogue videos, I FREAK THE FUCK OUT and think that nobody is going to hire me to coach them because I’m not showing off my frameworks and my perfect solutions to their problem.

You want to talk about happiness? Making that kind of content isn’t making me happy. It’s boring. Not creative. It’s not for me.

The Trap

I have chosen an identity so that I am perceived as an extremely valuable asset to the world. In order to achieve this identity, I must do what people of that identity do. Once I achieve this identity and I’m perceived as a valuable asset, then I will be fulfilled by my work and be happy.

But if I’m not happy now… there must be another way.

Solution #1

I know, I know.

I shouldn’t be chasing the validation of others. I shouldn’t become a coach just so that I’m perceived a certain way. Well… I’m not so sure that is something you can escape. I think my unconscious mind will always be playing that game no matter what I choose to chase.

In my personal training days, I learned from a neuroscientist that lots of people with chronic pain aren’t even injured anymore. For example, I had “bicep tendinitis” for years. When I saw this neuroscientist she explain how my body just wanted to continue to protect me. So it made up the pain. I would actually take that a step further and say my brain continued to make up the pain so that I could continue to live out the identity of an injured personal trainer. Because if I was perfectly healthy then (1) what is stopping me from being a top CrossFitter (no more excuses to go all in) and (2) if I was not injured and super fit, would I no longer be able to relate to all my clients and members in the gym who I spent all my time around? Thus leaving me separate from my community.

I think we do this all the time.

I think we do this unconsciously with trauma. Even though we want to be healed, we cling to this identity of being “broken.”

I think we do this unconsciously with being a “starving artist.” Even though we want to be a rich famous artists, we cling to the “struggling artist.”

I know for a fact that I have done this unconsciously as an entrepreneur. Always struggling so I could be taken care of in an effort to receive more love. (read about Sick Matt here)

So if I’m going to unconsciously play this game forever, can get really honest with myself and unapologetically own what I want.

Instead of rejecting my need to be seen as a valuable asset, I’m going to let myself own the fact that I want to perceived as an amazing coach who makes tons of money. I have no desire to transform the part of me who wants to become a coach. It sounds fucking awesome. So let’s send it and not shame it.

(If I didn’t truly want to be a coach and I was chasing an identity that doesn’t sound inspiring and fun, then I would spend time transforming that part of me.)

Solution #2

I have been making content consistently for over 5 years. I have made content the way I’m “supposed” to. The way that fits the future identity I want to become (the online coach) based off others who have done it.

(by the way, even if YOU aren’t making content consistently, you’ve still been witnessing how online coaches make content which is having it’s effects on you. The way other successful figures make content model the mold of that identity)

As I said earlier, I am so wrapped up in the NEED to show my audience that I have frameworks that it doesn’t feel safe to ONLY make my fun sketches or inner dialogue videos.

But that’s what I really want to do.

So…

I HAVE to learn to let myself create the content what I want to create. It’s the only way I will be happy. And WHAT IF it’s actually my way to become the world class coach I want to be?

What if I get to be the world’s greatest coach who doesn’t post “how to” or educational or framework content?

What if I am the coach who gets invited on the world’s top podcast because he makes incredible sketch and inner dialogue videos?

What if I’m the one to break the mold?

Can I trust myself to express myself EXACTLY as I want to. Not how everyone else does it or how you’re supposed to do.

I believe I can.

Early Tangible Proof

Morgan could spend her time perfecting the all impressive Venetian Glass technique so that her colleagues and other world class glass blowers see her as admirable and technically sound.

Morgan could get really good a “hot assembly” and everyone would be so impressed at how good she is at this really difficult technique.

But no.

Morgan is proof that by sticking to your guns, it pays off. Maybe her work never really sold in galleries, but she didn’t let that be the reason to stop making her dark art. Then, here she is up against some incredible glass blowers (remember Ryan’s specialty is Venetian glass) but she continues to stick to her guns and she gets rewarded. She wins a prize package of $100,000 that will change her life forever.

I have even had my own proof.

As I mentioned, I have been posting my sketch and inner dialogue videos and I kept feeling the pull to make a “framework” carousel on storytelling. Every time I felt that pull I noticed my energy was so needy and not exciting at all. So I didn’t do it. I trusted myself to keep making sketches and inner dialogue videos that bring me so much joy.

And guess what?

Over the last few weeks I have done something I’ve never done before. I made, not one, but two multiple 4-figure sales in the DMs with some dream clients. No sales call. Just a few easy yes’s in the DMs.

In Summary

1. Is the identity you are pursuing and clinging to empowering and energizing?

   1. If yes, keep going.

   2. If not, transform it. Find a new one or create your own.

2. Are the tasks you’re doing to achieve that identity making you feel exactly how you want to feel (love, calm, excited, joy, grounded, energized)?

   1. If yes, keep going. You’re already achieving your goals of loving life!

   2. If not, transform them. Do the things that make you feel how you want to feel.

3. In the process of transformation, have grace with yourself. It won’t happen over night. Lovingly catch yourself when you slip back into old habits, and get excited that you are getting closer and closer to the most authentic and resonate version of you that has ever existed.
   

Oh, and one more thing.

I am not telling you what content works. All content works. You can speak directly to the camera, you can make sketches, you can ONLY make carousels. You can teach frameworks, you can share poetry. IT. ALL. WORKS. I have examples of creators who do really well who make all different styles of content. DM me on IG if you want some inspo.

Simply focus on 2 things:

1. What energy are you creating content with? If it’s depleting, you must find a new process.

2. Focus on your messaging. Since we can see that all types of content works, then the common denominator for all content is the message. That’s what will change the game for you.

With Love,

Matt